Monday, July 30, 2012

A year there and back

It's now been 1 year since I packed my apartment, my belongings, my cat and my car and left Wisconsin as a distant memory.

I remember a the day before I left Wisconsin I was packing everything up and getting my car ready for my drive the next day. My (at the time) husband asked why I was loading my car. When I told him I was leaving the next day, he was perplexed...his words were "I thought we had more time" I was SO angered by this! What did he mean "more time" for the last week he stayed out all night, partied with friends, knew I was days from leaving. Did he think one more day, one more dinner was going to fix this broken mess of a marriage we had?  I loaded the last bag, gave him a hug goodbye, got in my car and drove away.

370'ish days later, looking back I should have known at that moment things would never change. I wasted a lot of tears, sleepless nights and health to what I now know was for nothing. When someone doesn't come home from a night of drinking with friends, not once, not twice, but 3 times, it's time. When someone doesn't call to check on you on your 16 hour drive from Wisconsin to Florida, it's time. When someone won't even see you, doesn't want to see you on your 7th marriage anniversary, it's time. It's time to swallow your pride, walk into that court house and put the past in the past. What we could have or should have done is in the past, but it's a lesson that you never forget.

So I guess those tears weren't for nothing, they were for today. They helped make me into the person I am today, they shaped me into the me that I wanted to be.